The Case of Rufus
by Christie Cookie
Summary: WARNING: CRACK FIC. What happens when Cloud gets a love letter from Rufus which was meant for Tifa? How is the situation going to be corrected? Hilarity and stupidity are high hitting. If you're crazy, this is perfect for you. Contains mild language.
1. The Letter

Uh, yeah, randomness. This will be a multi chap, but not very long. Just a short story. I don't know what I was on when I wrote this. It's parody more than anything, maybe some OOCness too. Enjoy!

* * *

**The Case of Rufus  
_Chapter One - The Letter_**

"Reno, this is not right! Lets just get out of the president's office and go back to work!"

"Relax, Elena. Rude's keeping watch outside, and even Tseng approves of what we're doing. He _told_ us to do it."

Elena gave a disapproving look as she wrung her hands. "Well, _I don't approve. _Its invasion of privacy."

"Oh, come on, Elena, you've seen the way he looks at her. They've been friends for 6 months, but he's been _stalking_ her for a year."

"Rufus ShinRa does NOT stalk," Elena stated. "He... keeps tabs."

The red head scoffed. "Whatever. Now..." Reno began to shuffle through the desk drawers, "Where did he put that letter..."

"Look, since when did you _men _find it a priority to ruin his relationship?" Elena shot angrily.

Reno rolled his eyes and ignored her, still shuffling.

"HEY!" Elena jabbed his ribs, making him gripe and double up. "I'm talking to ya!"

"Elena," Reno addressed with venom, "being a _man_ is exactly the reason why we're doing this for our boss. He's been all moony-eyed for the last year, but he's not done ANYTHING to resolve it. It makes me puke," he added, bending down again to the drawers. "As a guy, I don't wanna see her turn him into a bleeding heart. We're helping."

"Helping? _Helping_! Its sabotaging!" Elena cried, throwing her hands up.

"Yes! Found it!" Reno lifted up a blank envelope triumphantly.

"Anyway, how did you even know he had _written a letter_?" Elena asked suspiciously, folding her arms.

"Its quite genius, actually. Tseng was in here while Rufus was dictating, and he noticed a handwritten note on his desk. When Rufus left his office for a coffee later on that day, Tseng crept in and looked at the letter; and he had guessed correctly. The letter was for Tifa Lockheart." Reno took the letter out of the unsealed envelope.

"Reno! Don't look! What does it say?" Elena peered over his shoulder.

"Man, I gotta spend more time with this guy," Reno muttered. "This guys go ammo! And using it all on one woman... what a waste," he cackled. Elena sighed at his writing. "He doesn't even use her name," she whispered. "Just addresses her as 'beloved'. Oh, how romantic," she sighed and put a hand to her throat.

"Beloved, huh? You like that?" Reno made a mental note.

Elena punched his shoulder. "So, genius, what are you gonna do now?"

"Simple. We deliver it to her. By chocobo courier, or carrier moogle... or whatever they use to get mail out."

"You mean, a _mailman_?" Elena replied scathingly. "You know, Cloud Strife is a delivery boy, isn't he?"

"What, give it to him?" Reno asked outloud. "Give it to him... but it has no name on the envelope. We gotta tell him its for Tifa, otherwise he won't know where to take it."

"You talk like hes an idiot," Elena said disprovingly.

"Well, you gotta admit, he's rather slow on the uptake. If he thinks that Rufus..." Reno chuckled. "Oh no, that's too funny! Bahahaha..."

"That's _mean,_ Reno," Elena growled, not laughing. "Seeing as though boss is in love with SOMEONE ELSE," she continued, bringing Reno back to reality. "Imagine the scandal if that got out."

Reno nodded, still sniggering. "Okay, we'll make sure it gets into Tifa's hands. Geez, Elena, you spoil all the fun..."

"No, I just wanna save my neck," she scowled, grabbing his arm. "Now, lets get out of here!"

* * *

Cloud wandered through the streets of Kalm, an address scribbled on a sheet of paper in his hand. He looked up at the house numbers and a confused look crossed his face. He scratched his head.

"Is Six Gables the one that says Six Gables, or-" Cloud turned to face the other side of the street, "-the number six?"

He stood in confusion for a few more seconds when his cellphone rang. "Strife Delivery Service."

"Uh, yeah, hey Cloud, its Reno."

"How'd you get my number?"

"Um, I'm psychic."

"Oh."

"Yeeahh. (Man...) anyway, I was hoping you could deliver something to your friend Tifa for us."

Cloud was looking at the address, but his head shot up. "How do I know you're not up to something?"

"Relax, Cloud. Its a letter."

He went back to looking at the address and then at the named Six Gables. "Whatever. Where am I picking it up?"

"Oh, just come to the entrance to the new HQ, and someone will hand it to you at the front desk. Come as soon as you're done."

"This is my last delivery...wait, where?"

"Uh, I just said. The entrance to the HQ. Go to the desk and ask the secretary for the message you're picking up from president Rufus."

"Rufus?" Cloud said absentmindedly, gazing at number six.

"Ya know... the president?"

"What? Oh, yeah."

"Remember, its for Tifa. Pick it up at the front desk. From Rufus."

"Front desk. Rufus. Got it."

Cloud flipped his cellphone shut and decided on the number six.

* * *

Reno hung up the phone and looked at his comrades. "Something tells me he wasn't really listening to me."

* * *

Tifa was wiping the bar counter down when the phone rang. She darted through the doorway into the back of the house where it rang on her desk. Denzel reached it first.

"Hello, Denzel's Crematorium. You kill 'em, we grill 'em!"

Tifa swiped the phone away as she went to swat Denzel's rear. Cackling, he leapt out the way ran out of sight. Regaining her composure, she held the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"Tifa, you've gotta keep him away from the phone."

"Cloud! You've finished your delieveries?"

"Yeah, I just gotta pick up a letter that someone wrote to me."

"You're picking up your own letter?"

"Yeah, its from Rufus."

Tifa arched an eyebrow. "And its for you?"

"Yeah. Why else would they have me pick it up?"

"Okay." Tifa wondered at his logic. "How'd you know its for you?"

"Reno told me."

"Oh. Bring home a pizza. See you soon."

"Bye."

_Click._

* * *

Tifa, Denzel and Marlene were playing a game when Tifa heard the bar door open. She walked in to see Cloud holding a pizza, his face stunned. On top of the pizza box was an opened letter.

"Cloud... are you alright?"

"I need to talk to you," he whispered, his face in shock. Just as those words left his mouth, Marlene and Denzel came screaming in.

"Yay! PIZZA!" Cloud pocketed the letter and handed the pizza to the kids. He grabbed Tifa's arm and led her into the cellar.

"Read this," he muttered, handing it to her.

"'My darling beloved'," she read, and did a double take. "_What_?"

"Heh. That's not the worst of it," Cloud said pathetically, running fingers through his hair. He watched as Tifa read the letter.

"'Words cannot express...my feelings are like a...everytime I look at you...' Wow, Cloud. He's so poetic."

"POETIC! What the HELL is that supposed to mean, Tifa?" Cloud exploded.

Tifa surpressed a smile. All the time she spent with Rufus, and she had no idea.

Cloud sank into a crouch, holding his head. "I'm not interested!" he whined.

Tifa knelt next to him, rubbing his back. "Its okay, Cloud."

He looked up. "He's _your_ friend, Tifa. You've been talking to him, spending time with him. What have you told him about me?"

"N...nothing!" Tifa replied defensively. "Sometimes... he would ask how you and the kids were, but I thought he was just being nice..."

Cloud scoffed. "I can't deal with this," he muttered. "I have to talk to him."

"Can it wait 'til morning?" Tifa asked. Cloud nodded.

"Fine."

* * *

Okay, I know Cloud seems really stupid, but I did say OOCness was expected. But anyway, how can you NOT be stupid when the WOMAN you live with is in love with you for at least 4 years and you don't do anything about it?


	2. The Confrontation

Second chapter up! Anyone reading this, please ensure that you sanity is intact. Because this fanfic certainly isn't sane.

* * *

**The Case of Rufus  
Chapter Two - The Confrontation**

Elena came rushing into the Turk office and smacked a snoozing Reno around the head.

"Oww! What was that for!"

"You idiot! What did you tell Cloud?"

"N-n-nothing! I just said the letter was for Tifa and to pick it up at the front desk. You were there when I talked to him on the phone. Why?"

Tseng appeared. "Cloud is here, demanding to talk to the president about a personal matter."

"Heh, probably found out about the prez and Tifa's 'relationship'. He's jealous."

"No," Rude entered behind the Head Turk, "he was asked what it was about. He said it was about a letter addressed to him."

Reno leapt up from his desk. "OH, SHI-"

* * *

Rufus sat in his office, reading some files on a proposal from some bozo to open a mako reactor on small, northern island that had a materia cave.

_Idiot_.

Rufus ripped up the files and threw them in the waste basket. There were some really stupid people on this planet, and Rufus believed that their only purpose was to entertain the intelligent.

There was a knock at the door. "Enter," Rufus grumbled, getting up from his seat.

"Sir? A Cloud Strife to see you?" The secretary said with unsurety.

Rufus' eyebrows raised. What on earth does he want? _Probably thinks I'm spending too much time with Tifa._

"Let him in," Rufus sat back down in his desk chair, rocking slightly. He watched the door as a spiky head appeared round the door followed by an all-too-familiar face. He watched as Cloud's face turned from hesitation to determination.

"I need to talk to you."

Rufus arched an eyebrow. "Really, Strife? What about?"

"Don't you 'what about' me," Cloud growled. "I've come to tell you I'm not interested. I'm not...that way inclined."

Rufus couldn't be more confused. "What way what?"

"I'm NOT gay, DAMMIT!" Cloud yelled, pounding the desk that Rufus sat behind. Rufus merely blinked up at him, cool and composed.

"Well, thank you for informing me, Cloud. I'm glad you said something."

"So you won't send me any more letters?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"You sent me a love letter," Cloud shifted on his feet.

Rufus stood. "What the _hell_ are you talking about?"

Cloud reached into his pocket but was interrupted by a loud crash, followed by the office door being banged open. Elena rushed in. "Sir! Come quick! Reno's hurt himself. Come on!"

Rufus and Cloud rushed out into the lobby where Reno was laying on the ground, clutching his leg.

"Oww! Oh, it hurts so bad! I can't walk! I see a light..." Reno groped into thin air, moaning in pain.

Rufus squatted down and touched his shoulder. "OOWWW!" Reno bellowed. Rufus smelled a rat. "I thought it was your leg that hurt," he muttered.

"Uh, I guess I hurt my shoulder, too," Reno whined, rolling on his back. Tseng rolled his eyes and Rude shook his head as he knelt beside his best friend with a medi-kit. Cloud stood dithering when Elena grabbed his arm and pulled him aside.

"Cloud, whatever you told the president, you need to just forget it. Find a way to excuse yourself."

"What? I'm not having him chasing after me!"

"No," Elena closed her eyes in frustration, "Cloud, that letter wasn't for you."

"It wasn't?"

"No, Reno told you to give it to-"

"SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT THE _BLOODY HELL_ IS GOING ON!" Rufus bellowed, standing to his feet and arms on his hips.

"Reno, get off the floor! Now, if someone doesn't tell me what the hell Strife is doing here, and why Reno is risking his neck by lying to me, then I'll execute you all personally...except Cloud." Rufus turned to the spiky blond. "I'll have you committed to Doctor Kupo's Nuthouse."

Cloud glowered at him. "I'll commit you...you.." he muttered under his breath as Rufus turned away.

"I demand an explanation," Rufus made eye contact with each person in the room. "Now."

* * *

Cloud pulled up outside Seventh Heaven and took off his shades. He jumped off his bike and headed inside.

"Cloud!" Tifa greeted warmly, pouring a customer a drink. "How'd it go?"

"Uh, yeah, fine. It turns out that the letter wasn't, um, for me."

Tifa's head snapped up. "What?"

"Yeah, I guess I got the wrong end of the stick."

"So, who's it for?"

"Dunno," Cloud lied, avoiding eye contact. "Well, I guess I'd better change for dinner." He mooched out, leaving his sunglasses on the counter. Tifa stood anchored to the spot, processing what Cloud said.

Okay, he wasn't...yeah. But who WAS the letter for?

At dinner, Denzel and Marlene had their usual kicking match under the table and Cloud simply wolfed down his dinner. Tifa sat, pushing the food around her plate with a fork. She couldn't stop thinking about Rufus.

"Tifa? May we be excused?" Marlene looked up at her sweetly, as Denzel finished his last mouthful. Tifa checked her plate.

"One more bite of the chicken, then you can go."

When the children left, Tifa decided to ask Cloud a question.

"What happened at HQ?"

Cloud finished gulping his pineapple daquari before he answered. "Nothing. Just found out that it wasn't for me."

Tifa wasn't pleased with his answer. "Care to elaborate on who it was for?" After all, she was Rufus' friend. Kind of...they hung out sometimes, and he was great with the kids. It felt weird to spend time with him, but that day when he showed up at the bar, he was casual and very amiable. She enjoyed his company. And dammit, if she had to force it out of Cloud, she was going to find out who the love of his life was. Maybe she could do something to help.

"Look, Tifa, I was told that I got the wrong idea and it was the wrong address. They didn't ask me to deliver again, so job's over. I don't care about it." Much.

"But... did you find out if the letter was meant for...?"

"Another guy? No, Rufus is in love with a woman."

"Ah." Tifa breathed an inward sigh of relief. She didn't know why it relieved her so much.

"Well, I'm gonna go open up the bar for the evening. Keep an eye on the kids."

"Great. I get to take care of the sprogs during their funny hour. They're terrors just after dinner," Cloud muttered.

Tifa rolled her eyes. "If you know how to mix those daquaris you love, then by all means, switch places with me."

"Look, I don't know why you make me these womanly drinks," Cloud responded. "All I said was that I tried them once, and I thought they were good, and I wanted one with my dinner one time. I continue drink them at dinner because you make them, and because they're good. I don't wanna waste them."

"So, no more fruity drinks?"

"No more fruity drinks," replied Cloud, feeling more insecure by the minute. "I'll watch the kids," he got up from his seat and took the plates to the sink. He walked out.

"That doesn't count playing in your playstation and occasionally yelling at them when they get too noisy," Tifa called after him.

Tifa opened the bar and began to wash some left over glasses from the previous shift when her first customer of the evening walked in. She looked up. It wasn't one of her regulars.

"Oh, hello, president Rufus!" Tifa greeted.

Rufus greeted her back halfheartedly, breath catching in his throat at her smiling face.

This was going to be tough.

* * *

I know, I know, sooooo OOC. Oh well. My mind is just running away with me. On to the next chapter!


	3. The Talk

**The Case of Rufus  
Chapter 3 - The Talk**

Rufus knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep at all, knowing that Cloud could drop the news at any time. And she needed to hear it from him. After all, he was the one that loved her.

Rufus sat down at the bar and clasped his hands together on the counter.

"Where are the Turks?" Tifa inquired.

"They're...indisposed," Rufus responded with a pained expression. _In suffering, more like_. Besides, he needed to do this on his own without them breathing down his neck. It was bad enough when Elena decided to give him advice on how to woo Tifa.

Rufus came back to the present, seeing Tifa standing opposite him, a concerned look on her face. "Can I get you a drink? You look like you need one."

"Scotch."

"How do you want that?"

"_Straight_."

Tifa caught the subtlety and she grinned. Rufus gave a smirk. "Are you sure?" she asked.

"Oh," Rufus flipped his hair, "I couldn't be surer."

Tifa laughed as she poured his drink. Rufus downed it in three gulps. "Is uh, Cloud around?"

Tifa nodded. "He's in the back, playing videogames."

A loud scream came from the back room. Cloud's voice yelled over the commotion.

"SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO BEAT LIQUID SNAKE!"

Tifa flinched as a door slammed somewhere above the ceiling. Rufus smirked. "Playtime at the zoo?"

The barmaid nodded, refilling his glass. "It gets pretty crazy around here. They're Ultimate Weapon, fun-size."

Rufus grinned. "For some reason, it just seems out of character for Cloud yell at children. He sees evil dictators and demented science experiments eye to eye, but I don't think he could say boo to a goose."

Tifa chuckled, making the hairs rise on the back of Rufus' neck. "Tifa...there's something I need to talk to you about."

Tifa faced him, hands on her hips. "Does it have to do with the letter?"

Rufus nodded. "However, just so you know, that letter was hidden in my desk. I was finding the right time to send it, and my _zealous_ Turks decided to mail it for me. Of course, having only 2 IQ points, the delivery boy thought that the letter was for himself and opened it."

Tifa gave Rufus a compassionate look. He continued.

"The repurcussions have been... well, we won't get into it," Rufus shook his head. "Anyway, the letter..."

"Ooh! Tell me who its for!" Tifa leaned on the counter, completely attentive. Her face was inches away from his, and Rufus' mind went blank. Silently cursing the alcohol and lack of composure, Rufus stuttered.

"I... I... can't remember."

Tifa arched an eyebrow. "Can't, or won't?"

_Won't_.

Rufus sighed. "Tifa... would you consider me... a friend?"

Tifa leaned back, deep in thought. Rufus took her hesitation for a 'no'.

"I guess not."

"Rufus, the only reason I said nothing is because I'm wondering why the ShinRa president would ask such a stupid question."

Rufus grinned and finished his Scotch. "I'm in love with someone," he began, "and I'm not sure how she feels about me."

"Well, be bold!" Tifa said breezily, "You never know what she might be thinking."

Rufus held her eye contact for several seconds before she blushed and turned away. "Want more Scotch?" she asked.

"No, thanks. But thanks for the advice. I might just take it. Hey, speaking of boldness, would you and Cloud and the kids like to come with me and the Turks to the Gold Saucer for the weekend?" He asked, formulating a plan in his mind.

Tifa jumped with delight. "Oh! That would be wonderful," she exclaimed, "and we have our unlimited pass, too! Maybe Cloud will let me ride Shadow again..."

"Shadow?"

"The black chocobo we bred way back when," she explained. "You know, when Sephiroth was alive and kicking our asses."

"Ah. You never bred a gold one?"

"Oh yes. But that one was Cid Highwind's. He wouldn't let anyone near it. So we sent Cid on a little mission to find a mysterious materia on a northern island in a cave. He was freaked out when he came back. He doesn't really like water anymore. Or caves."

Rufus' mind immediately went back to the file he had read proposing to build a mako reactor. _Speaking of idiots..._

"So, do you think Cloud will want to come?"

"I'll talk to him. But count on me and the kids joining you."

Rufus got off the barstool. "Shall I pick you up in 3 days?"

Tifa nodded. "Sounds great."

* * *

"Tifa, you and the squirts go, but I'm not interested." Cloud told her, not looking up from his gameboy.

"You say that alot, you know."

"What, squirts?"

Tifa rolled her eyes. "Never mind. So, you're not coming?"

"No." _Not with you and...Shakespeare-fanboy._

Tifa gave an audible sigh. "Okay. Wait, isn't that Denzel's gameboy?"

"Uh, he sold it to me."

"What?"

"Yeah, he said he would give me his gameboy if I stopped putting him in a sleeper hold."

Without a word, she walked out, leaving Cloud to play Mario. _Princess Peach is hot._

Cloud's eyes followed her out the room, and when the door shut, he exited the game. He took out his cell phone. Pushing a couple of buttons, he held it to his ear.

"Barret? Yeah, I need a favour. Get everyone together and call Cid. We're gonna need a ride to the Gold Saucer."

* * *

**This was a short one. It's going to get much more stupid as the story progresses, so hold on to your drawers. I thought of another bad plot bunny to put in here: AVALANCHE. Hopefully, it will turn out quite hilarious.**

**Please, READ & REVIEW! :DD**


	4. The Gold Saucer

**Thanks for the reviews. I know its only a few, but it encourages me to keep going! Yeah, I like picking on Cloud. Poor guy. But hes so easy to pick on.**

* * *

**The Case of Rufus  
**_Chapter Four - The Gold Saucer_

"Thanks again for inviting us," Tifa began, as group sat in the tram that carried them to the Gold Saucer. She sat across from Rufus, who smiled in return.

"You're welcome, Tifa."

The group consisted of Rufus, Reno, Rude and Elena on one side of the tram and Tifa, Marlene and Denzel on the other.

"Wow! Look at the view!" Denzel exclaimed, looking out the window. "Its so cool!"

"Wanna get a closer look?" Reno replied, making a grab for Denzel. "I'll hold you out the window."

Denzel punched Reno in the ribs, making the Turk fall to the floor in pain.

"He sucker-punched me!" Reno groaned, getting to his knees. Rufus rolled his eyes and looked out the window while Rude and Elena laughed. Denzel gave a devious grin and Tifa scolded him. "That's not a nice thing to do, Denzel. You simply ask Reno not to pick on you, but don't punch."

"He was trying to defend himself," Marlene said with fairness.

Denzel shrugged. "You taught me that one."

Tifa gasped and Rufus chuckled. "Did she now?" He asked. Denzel nodded while Tifa shook her head. "I did not teach you that!"

"You've done it to some of the guys that come in to the bar," Denzel stated. Tifa looked livid.

Reno cackled. "I'll try to remember that the next time I'm wasted. Don't make a pass at Tifa," he sniggered. Elena punched him.

"Hey! What's with all the punching?" Reno complained, while Elena winked at Denzel. Marlene giggled.

"I remember when these kids were little angels," Reno muttered darkly.

"Even angels fall," Rude said quietly. Rufus nodded absent-mindedly, while Tifa gave Reno a compassionate look. "You hear that, kids? You've become little nightmares," she poked them both into giggles. Denzel sighed. "Sorry, Mr. Reno. Hope you're okay."

Reno looked at him suspiciously. "Hm. Okay."

Elena rolled her eyes and looked at the children. "You're all right. He shouldn't have tried to pick you up either."

Reno muttered under his breath while Rude adjusted his sunglasses. The sounds of the Gold Saucer reached their ears and everyone's eyes went to the windows as a silence passed over the group, followed by "ooh" and "ah". Tifa leaned over Marlene to peer out the window. It began to get dark as fireworks exploded out their window in a myriad of colours. Tifa glanced around the cabin as the lights and shadows danced across the paneled walls. Her gaze shifted to Rufus, who was staring right back at her. She smiled nervously, and Rufus shook his head and frowned before going back to looking out his window. Tifa was puzzled. Shurgging, she also went back to the fireworks.

* * *

As soon as they entered the Gold Saucer and the aggravating guy in the chocobo suit had welcomed them to the Saucer, the kids ran ahead and dove head first into the Wonder Square tube.

"Hey! Don't forget too come back to the hotel by ten!" Tifa called down the tube. "And you're not to go in the battle square unless you find me first!"

"Okay..." the kids called out, echoing up the tube. Tifa looked around hopelessly.

"I don't know whats up," she sighed, "They're so...rebellious. And Cloud isn't helping much, acting like a younger brother instead of a responsible father. Honestly, I feel like confiscating his bike license just to see if he'll whine like a kid or stick up for himself like a man," she complained. Elena gave Tifa a sympathetic look and Reno sniggered.

"We'll make a man outta him. Get him to join the Turks," he replied. Rufus gave a disapproving look. "I'm not having Strife be my bodyguard," he said with a shudder. "No offence to the guy, but after what just went down..."

Rude stepped into the conversation. "Are we here to talk, sir?"

"What?" Rufus asked, puzzled. "Oh, yeah, whatever. Yeah, take a break, but I want everyone back at the hotel by ten. I'll go there now and make the reservations for tonight."

Tifa turned to Rufus as the Turks ran for the nearest exit. "Thanks, Rufus. This is a special treat."

Rufus smiled kindly. "It's my pleasure. Kind of makes change from having you executed."

Tifa rolled her eyes and grinned. "I'll have to watch myself in case you slip real monsters in the battles arena."

Rufus chuckled and shook his head. "Never. Well, I'll go and make reservations."

"By yourself?" Tifa asked.

"Why, yes."

"I'll go with you."

"Well, you...go have fun," Rufus replied rather reluctantly. Before he could object again, Tifa looped her arm through his. "I'll go with you," she smiled up at him. Rufus' heart leapt and blushed a little at her touch.

* * *

"_No_, RESERVATIONS,"

"Preservations?"

"_No_," Rufus replied to the foreign receptionist, agitated. "Honestly, the fake hangedman was a better receptionist than you."

"Pardon monsieur?"

"Never mind. I. Want. To. Make. RES-ER-VA-TIONS," he said slowly, pointing to the records book she had on the desk.

"Reser-? Oh! Oui! Of course monsieur! You and your wife?" she added, looking at Tifa. Tifa's face bloomed a rosy red as Rufus scratched his head.

"Er... no, I want two rooms please."

"Ah, eh...la dispute d'amant?"

"...you what?"

"Err...lover's...fight? Quarrel?"

"No! Geez, mind your own business," Rufus shot angrily. Tifa giggled. She punched him playfully. "Yeah, Rufus, you gotta sleep in you own bed," she joked. Rufus blushed but hid his face by bending low over the record book, signing it.

* * *

"Okay, hold onto your drawers an' don't piss in 'em!" Cid said over the PA system. As the highwind took off, Cloud stood at the front of the highwind, sword on his back. Feelings of nostalgia came flooding back. But this time it was a covert operation.

Cloud turned to his loyal team as he made eye contact with each of them: Red XIII, Cid, Barrett, Vincent, and Yuffie. Cloud felt a pang as both Aerith and Tifa were missing. _And Cait Sith... nah. Reeve sucks._

"So... we're all back here. Care you explain why you want us to help?" Red XIII stepped forward. Cloud nodded.

"We're here to spy on Tifa."

"You gotta be kidding," Cid cursed, while Vincent folded his arms, rolling his eyes. Barrett swore and Yuffie threw up on Red XIII.

"So...now that Tifa is hanging out with another guy, you get jealous," Vincent said, while Red XIII chased a spewing Yuffie around the cabin.

"HEY! You fatheads! You're getting puke all over my-" Cid was interrupted by the young ninja showering him in chunks.

Cloud continued as Cid gave a horrifying cry and followed Red XIII chasing Yuffie around the cabin.

"It's not that... I just..." he scratched his head, "I just wanna make sure she's all right."

"Yeah...whatever, foo'" Barrett replied, running his fingers along his gun arm. "I just wanna go to the Battle Square."

Vincent shrugged. "I just wanna sleep in the Event Square. Too many bright lights. Ugh," he shuddered, imagining it in his mind.

Cloud shook his head. "Whatever. But if I need you guys, you're to come running. You're welcome to join me," he stated, turning back to the window.

Vincent walked up behind Cloud and put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, I'll join you. Just... let me go to the Event Square for a while after."

Cloud nodded. "Thanks, Vincent."

* * *

Tifa and Rufus finished making the reservations and then headed to the Wonder Square to find the kids. "Marlene's probably at the Mog House," Tifa stated, and Denzel will be on the G-Bike."

Rufus nodded. "When I was a kid, I loved the Speed Square." Tifa chuckled. "Me too. But I became partial to the chocobo races when we started breeding our own. But I was top scorer at the Speed Square when AVALANCHE was still together."

The president did a double take. "Wait...so you're 'Stormchaser'?" The barmaid laughed. "Yeah, that's me!" Rufus grimaced. "I should've had you executed earlier. It took me a fortune to beat your highscore by five points."

"Wait! So you're 'Iceman'?" Tifa laughed. "I always felt so bad for that guy! Whenever we came back to the Gold Saucer to train our chocobos, I would have a go on Speed and beat the score."

Rufus growled and poked Tifa in the ribs. She squealed as she chased after him across the Wonder Square lobby, right into chocobo suit guy.

"EEEEEP!" The chocobo cried, rolling on the floor, wings and legs flailing in the air. Rufus headed into the arcades, Tifa closely tailing him.

* * *

Cloud stood in the entrance of the Gold Saucer with his team. Cid kept smelling himself and swearing under his breath while Red XIII growled at Yuffie while she hid behind Vincent. Barrett was edging slowly closer and closer to the Battle Arena tube.

"Right, guys," Cloud stood, hands on his hips. "We have a job to do, and-"

"YAYYY!" The entire party screamed and scattered, jumping down random tubes. The only person left was Vincent playing on his PSP and Yuffie slipping her hand into his pocket.

Cloud sighed and sat on the floor.

"Vincent, Yuffie's stealing your materia."

Vincent clobbered Yuffie over the head with his PSP and Yuffie howled.

"You little squealer!" she shot at Cloud, who didn't even look up.

Vincent switched his PSP off. "Hey, Cloud, my battery's low. Let's go find Tifa."

"Borrinngg!" Yuffie yawned, and then stomped off. Vincent watched her jump down the Chocobo Square tube. Cloud jumped up from the floor.

"Right, Let's go find her."

* * *

Rufus and Tifa found the kids in the arcades and watched them as they raced against eachother on G-Bike. Rufus took a turn on the submarine mission and Tifa tried the snowboarding. She reached a difficult turn and tried to regain her balance.

"Waaahhh!" Tifa wobbled and fell from the board, but never hit the floor. Rufus caught her in time.

"Ohhh!" Tifa laughed sheepishly. "Thanks, Rufus."

"Eh...no worries," he replied with a whisper. Tifa gave a cute smile and Rufus helped her to her feet.

"PAPA!" Marlene screamed, racing past the arcade games. Rufus and Tifa watched as the eight year old collided with a large black guy with a gun arm and a sour look on his face. His countenance changed when he looked down to see his baby hugging his legs and laughing.

Barret lifted her up into a one-arm bear hug. "Marlene! Honey, I missed ya! What are you doin' here, huh?"

"We're about to ask you the same question," Rufus said, Tifa at his side. Barret gave Rufus a surprised look that didn't look too convincing.

"Oh! Hi...er...Tifa...an' Rufus...fancy seein' yeh here..." Rufus had been smelling a lot of rats lately. And this one reeked.

"Yeah, what a _coincidence_," Rufus replied and Barret put Marlene back on the ground. Tifa smiled at Barret and gave him a hug. "Its so good to see you! Are you here by yourself?"

"YES!" Barret said hastily, but then scratched his head. "Um, well...not really... eh..."

"Sir!" Elena rushed up from behind Barret and made him jump. She edged away from him, a flicker of recognition crossing her face. "Um, Boss, I've seen that ninja stalking around that broke into your office a couple weeks ago."

"Ninja?" Tifa asked, and Rufus straightened. "YES, thank you, Elena," Rufus said loudly, "I'll keep that in mind."

"Whats he doing here?" Elena asked pointedly, staring at a scowling Barret.

"He's just saying hi," Rufus said scathingly. Barret glared at him.

Marlene turned to Barret as Elena ran off. "Can I go with you, Papa?"

"Yeah, me too!" Denzel popped up, elated. "You can take us to the Battle Arena!"

Barret scooped up Marlene into his arms and laughed. "O' course, honey," he said. "An' joo, boy!"

Tifa acquiesed when they turned pleading eyes in her direction. Screaming at a new decibel, they skipped away with Barret, who looked around worriedly. Rufus would have said, _suspiciously_. He walked off and Rufus scanned the room before resting his eyes on Tifa. She looked up at him and smiled.

"Well, what now?"

Rufus simpered and offered her his arm. "How about we try the Speed Square?"

* * *

"Look at them," Cloud muttered, skulking behind the G-Bike arcade. Vincent was back on his PSP at the lowest brightness setting to conserve energy. He elbowed Vincent. "Its sickening the way he looks at her."

Vincent grunted, going back to Star Ocean. "Man, being an Astral Knight is so awesome..."

Cloud continued to spy as Barret walked off and Rufus looked around. He jumped back into the shadows. Rufus then turned to Tifa, and they both looked at eachother in a way that made him want to throw up.

"Hey Vincent! That's so gross, the way they're looking at eachother," he pulled on Vincent's arm. "Look!"

Vincent sighed and paused the game. He looked over at the president and the barmaid and shrugged. "No biggie. You used to look at Aerith like that all the time."

"I...I did?" Cloud gulped, as Vincent went back to his game.

"Man, Rufus had better deserve her," he muttered. "Come on!" Cloud pulled Vincent out from behind the G-Bike arcade and Vincent shrank back. "Nooo! The light! Eye-rape! Eye-rape! I'm being violated! Help!" He went on his knees and tried to crawl away.

Cloud rolled his eyes. "As if you don't look like a vampire already!" he grabbed Vincent by the scruff of the neck and pulled him. "Come on. I'll take you to the Event Square."

* * *

**By the way, I have nothing against Reeve. Just trying to be funny. And Iceman... I know, Top Gun. My favourite character. 33~**

**FYI - NEVER PLAYED STAR OCEAN IN MY LIFE. But I love the freedom of this fanfiction... its so cool to write just random stuff.**


	5. The Speed Square

**No, I haven't forgotten about this one! XD I had to finish A Place Like Heaven before I could get on with this. :) Anyway, I can't finish this in three days (when I go back to college) so I'll pick it back up when I come back at Christmas. I just wanted to give you one more chapter. ^^**

* * *

**The Case of Rufus  
Chapter 5 - The Speed Square**

"Now, be good." Cloud pushed Vincent into a seat at the back of the event square. Vincent grunted and pulled out his PSP.

"Ingrate," he muttered, going back to _Star Ocean_. Cloud rolled his eyes and turned away when he bumped into Yuffie.

"Bloody hell!" Cloud yelped. "Did you just jump down from the ceiling?"

The ninja brushed herself off and nodded. "Yeah. What's it to ya?"

Eyes widening, Cloud shuffled away and made for the back door. He rubbed his hands together. "Speed Square," he muttered, jumping down the appropriate tube.

* * *

Rufus and Tifa stood in line to have their turn on Speed, when the brunette stood on tiptoes and looked down the line. "Hey," she pointed forward, "isn't that Cid and Red XIII?"

Rufus, who was busy talking on the phone to Rude about the recent "ninja sighting," snapped his head up. "Where?" he asked darkly, eyes narrowing.

"Over there," Tifa replied. She jumped up and down. "Hey! Cid, Red XIII!" She yelled.

Several people turned and made angry faces at her volume. Cid and Red XIII turned back to see Tifa waving frantically and the pilot quickly turned his back and kicked Red XIII in the ribs. The creature yelped but turned away growling.

"Hm," Tifa put her hands on her hips, "That's not like them. I wonder what bee flew into _their_ bonnet."

"Wha-?" Rufus looked at her quizzically, hand to the phone's mouthpiece. "Bee? What bee?" He didn't receive an answer, as Tifa had already started walking over to her former comrades.

"Hey, guys! What's your problem?" She sauntered over, and Rufus gasped.

"Just keep an eye out," he told Rude before hanging up. "Hey, Teef!" He ran after her and grabbed her arm. "Just leave them."

"I wanna say hi," she replied, worming out of his grasp. The president sighed and followed her.

"Oh, &^%*$, she's coming over," Cid muttered to Red XIII.

"Don't you ever do that again," Red XIII growled, pawing the ground. Cid jumped when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Oh...! Hey...Tifa. How are you?" He greeted, hugging her hesitantly. Tifa remained rigid.

"Why didn't you say hi?" She demanded.

Red XIII nudged her leg with his nose. "We...didn't see you. Yeah! We didn't..."

"See you," Cid finished, lighting a cigarette. Rufus came up behind Tifa.

"Hello there. What a coincidence that we're meeting all the AVALANCHE members," he said coolly.

"Eh, yeah...oh! You mean our friends are here, too?" Cid replied, trying to act surprised, but failing miserably. Rufus glared at him.

"Yeah," Tifa tossed her hair, shifting on her feet. "We've seen Barret here, and something about a ninja-"

"Which reminds me, keep that child on a leash," the president interrupted. "Tell her to stop snooping around in the ShinRa headquarters. She's not going to find any dirt on us."

"Apart from the obvious," Red XIII muttered, eyes going from him to Tifa. The couple didn't hear his statement, but Cid stepped on his paw.

"Well, we'll keep an eye out," he scratched the back of his head nervously, "and we'll tell Yuffie to keep her mitts out of your business."

Rufus folded his arms while Tifa looked at Cid. "Is Cloud here?" she asked inquisitively. "I only ask because everyone else seems to be here."

Red XIII grinned. "Dunno. But president Rufus, Cloud sends his love to ya."

"Hahaha!" Cid laughed, swatting Red XIII's side. Tifa giggled. Rufus was livid.

"Bite me," he snapped, before walking away.

"I'm sure he'd love to!" Cid called after him. Tifa gave them a stern look before getting back in line with Rufus.

"They didn't mean anything by it," she reasoned with her companion. He sighed and looked at her.

"I know. Bloody morons. I'll cut the fuel supply to their homes," he muttered darkly. Tifa chuckled and looped her arm through his. He looked down at her and smiled.

_How am I going to tell her?_

* * *

Cloud rushed down the walkway that would take him to speed. "Man, why does it take so long to get there?" He panted. "Its a long way!"

He finally reached the station where there was a long line of people waiting. He searched quickly through the lines to not find them anywhere. Just before he was about to give up and try another portal of the Gold Saucer, the coaster pulled in to reveal Tifa and Rufus hopping out and high-fiving.

"Sweet!" Tifa clapped, checking the scoreboard. "We got a new record!"

"Teamwork," he answered, before pulled her into a side-hug. She returned it, looking up at him and smiling. Cloud was seething.

The ex-SOLDIER stood in the middle of the platform when Rufus and Tifa both turned to see him standing there, stiff as a board. He was glaring right at them.

"Cloud!" Tifa exclaimed, rushing over to him. "Oh, I'm so glad you changed your mind!"

"Tifa," Cloud greeted stiffly. "Rufus." He nodded. Rufus remained silent, expression unchanged.

"I'm onto you, Strife," he replied eventually. Cloud stood straighter, affronted at his remark.

"Rufus?" Tifa dithered between them, confused. "Cloud? What's going on?"

Cloud shook his head. "Nothing, Teef. Just stopped by to make sure you're all right."

"Me? Of course I am!" She laughed, standing next to Rufus. "I've got my bodyguard here," she smiled sweetly up at him. Rufus continued to stare at Cloud.

"It just so happens, Strife, that your friends are here, too." He said icily. "Having a little get-together?"

"N-no!" Cloud shook his head vigorously. Too vigorously. "Ouch, my brain," he held a hand to his head and squeezed his eyes shut. Rufus rolled his eyes.

"How many IQ points did you lose this time?" He asked. "Was it your last one? Poor guy. He was always alone in there, wasn't he?"

"Rufus!" Tifa chided. Cloud's face became a bright red.

"It ends now, ShinRa," Cloud growled, reaching for his sword.

"Cloud! That's unnecessary!" Tifa rushed between them and held her arms out. "Now, one of you explain to me why you're so hostile towards each other. Yes, it was a mistake about the love letter, but why are you still angry with Rufus? It wasn't his fault! And Rufus, why are you so annoyed by Cloud?"

"Anyone would be annoyed by a chocobo head who has molasses for brains," Rufus flipped his hair. Cloud scoffed.

"You should talk."

"Oh, how I stand wounded by your witty retort," the president smirked. "What shall be your next move?"

Cloud reached for his sword again and Tifa stamped her foot. "Boys!" She yelled.

Cloud lowered his hand and glowered at the president. Rufus simply stepped forward and put a hand on Tifa's shoulder.

"I think Cloud wants to make sure I don't try anything."

"Like what?" The brunette asked crossly.

"Gee, I dunno. We're good friends, so I would want to kill you, according to Cloud's logic."

Cloud stared at them glumly. "Actually, it was just to make sure you followed through," he muttered.

"Follow through with what?" Tifa replied, confused. Rufus made cut-throat motions in Cloud's direction, and he fell silent. Tifa turned, and Rufus' hand fell back at his side, smiling.

"I don't know. Just an expression, maybe?" Rufus offered.

Cloud looked up. "It doesn't matter, Tifa. However, I expect news when you come home."

And without offering another word of explanation, he walked off. Tifa stared after him, completely perplexed. "What on earth...? Cloud, come back!" She moved forward but was stopped by Rufus' hand on her shoulder.

"Let him go," he said firmly. "I'll explain to you what he meant."

"Well, good, because its making no bloody sense to me," she shot angrily. Rufus bit his lip as he thought how cute she looked when she was angry.

"Let's go on the gondola. I'll talk to you about it then."

Shrugging, they walked off and made their way to the round square. Tifa was ready to go to the battle square and let off steam, while Rufus wanted to hide in a closet just from thinking about what he had to do next.

* * *

Cloud headed back the event square to find Vincent. He entered the dark theatre and found a shadow sitting in the place where he had left him.

"Hey, Vince-HOLY CRAP! Yuffie, what are you doing to him! Get off the poor guy! Geez, whats your problem?"

Cloud ran over to them and dragged Yuffie from Vincent as he gasped for air. The ninja yelped when the mercenary pulled her away by her sweater.

"Hey! Whats your problem?" She snapped. Her hair was ruffled and she brushed herself off hastily. Cloud froze as he looked from Yuffie to Vincent.

"Wait, what were you two doing? Yuffie?" Cloud was worried. "I thought...you...weren't trying to kill Vincent, were you?"

Yuffie's eyebrows raised into her bangs. "What? You thought I was trying to kill...? Oh boy, you really have lost the plot," she shook her head.

Vincent straightened up in his chair. "Um, Cloud! Thank goodness you came when you did! She almost had me for a dead man!" He winked at Yuffie, who caught on.

"Oh, yeah! Grrrr," Yuffie bared her teeth. "You know me. Trying to strangle him in his sleep, and all that," she rolled her eyes.

Cloud hesitated. "Wait, so you _were_ trying to murder my friend? I was right?" He shot at Yuffie.

"Yeah, but I er...have forgiven him," she ran fingers through her hair. "Meh. Whatever."

Cloud laughed. "I actually doubted myself for a moment," he shook his head, "I thought you were doing something else for a second there. Gross." He shuddered.

Vincent held a finger up to his temple, making circular motions, and Yuffie giggled. Cloud was busy checking his watch. "Well, mission accomplished. I guess we can go find-"

"Hey! Yuffie, you %&$^£! We gotta $%*%$ bone to pick with you!" A voice came from the back of the auditorium.

"Cid's here," Vincent muttered, sinking into his seat and playing on his PSP. Yuffie scowled.

"What now, old geezer?"

Cid grabbed her by the scruff of the neck, Red XIII bounding up behind him and snarling.

"What were ya doin' in Rufus' office? £$*&# kid..." He growled.

"How'd you find out about that?" Yuffie asked with a surprised look.

"We bumped into Tifa and lover boy," he snapped, tightening his grip. Yuffie was held a few inches above the ground, and Cloud and Vincent didn't even notice. They were talking.

"I was just looking for stuff..."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Just...anything that I could get my hands on," she smiled sweetly, choking a little. "Um, could you put me down? You're cutting off my air supply."

Cid let her down. "&£*%^ kleptomaniac..." he muttered darkly. Red XIII bared his teeth before hopping onto a seat next to Cloud.

"Where's Barret?" Cloud asked.

"I thought he was with you," Cid answered, dropping himself into a seat.

Cloud shrugged. "Never mind. But I do want to go to the battle square before we leave," he stated.

The group decided it was a capital idea, and headed in the direction of the portal. Before leaving the event square, Cloud turned to look at the stage. He smiled a little as he turned away and clutched the pink ribbon tied to his arm.

* * *

**I know, this is ridiculous. But anyway, I promise to finish it at Christmas. If anyone is actually reading this. XD**


	6. The Gondola Ride

**The Case of Rufus  
**Chapter 6 - The Gondola Ride

"Two tickets, please," Rufus said to the host as he and Tifa stood on the platform of the Gondola ride. He scratched his head nervously as he waited for the host to hand him the tickets. Tifa watched him, grinning a little. She had no idea what was bothering him. She mentally shrugged and figured she would find out soon enough.

Rufus turned and held out his hand. "After you."

Tifa's heart fluttered a little as he looked down and smiled. A strand of air fell into his stormy eyes as her delicate fingers slid into his. He pulled her into the cabin and the gondola took off from the station.

* * *

"Take that, you stupid bird!" Cloud snarled as he slashed the Cockatolis and did his victory dance. However, his victory was cut short when a loud growl was heard behind the gate of the arena. A dragon zombie appeared, its long appendages tapping against the floor and the walls.

"Ah, crap," Cloud whined as he tapped as he checked his materia. The summon materia was disabled.

"How the hell do you expect me to defeat this without my friggin' summon materia?" Cloud yelled at the door behind him. No one heard.

"BURRAAGGHHHH!" The creature swiped a claw in Cloud's direction. The delivery boy yelped and dodged the monster with a smooth back flip.

"Haha, you little f-"

Cloud was unable to finish his insult as Shadow Flare engulfed his body. Everything around him dissolved.

"Crap..." he muttered, as a huge banner that read GAME OVER rolled down the adjacent wall. The doors opened and Cloud slouched out.

"Did ya win?" Vincent asked.

"Shut up," Cloud snapped as Barret grinned and elbowed his fellow gun man in the rubs. Yuffie jumped down from the rafters. "Geez, Cloud, that was only the third level," she cackled. "Oh, and MY turn!" She ran into the arena before anyone could protest.

"Get back here, you little turd!" Cid ran at the door and pounded on it. He could hear the ninja chortle as he yelled obscenities at the door. Cloud sighed and pulled his cell out of his pocket.

"No, no, no..." he pocketed it again, forehead creasing.

"What? Wanna call Tifa again, see if he's popped the question?" Red XIII asked.

Cloud ignored his statement.

"Sounds like someone's jealous..." Vincent muttered.

Cloud stormed into Dio's showroom, leaving a cackling Barret and Vincent behind.

* * *

"Eh...Tifa?"

"Hmmm?"

Rufus watched the barmaid stare out of the window at the fireworks, eyes lighting up from the light. His heart leapt and forgot what he was about to say.

"...Never mind."

Tifa giggled as he stumbled over his words. He cursed silently.

"What's on your mind, Rufus?"

"I...Tifa...what would you say if...what do you think of me?"

Tifa's eyebrows arched in curiosity. "Why'd you ask?"

The president felt like punching something. Why the hell did he feel so vulnerable around her?

"I guess I'm just a little paranoid."

Silence filled the cabin, but for the faint sound of fireworks exploding outside in the silky night sky. Tifa sat back in her seat, hands clasped together in her lap, humming a tune as her head leaned back against the wall. Rufus watched her intently.

"I love you, Tifa."

Tifa opened her eyes and studied his face. He couldn't quite make out her face in the dimly lit gondola, but he saw her smile. "I love you too, Rufus."

"No, Tifa. You don't understand."

The gondola was away from the noise of the distant fireworks. All that could be heard was the dischordant music of the theme park hundreds of metres below.

"Cloud has been chasing me down and following us, acting like an idiot and having no life because he wants to be sure that I tell you who that letter was meant for."

Tifa remained silent as the president got up from his seat and sat down next to her. Taking her hand in his, he lowered his head, bangs falling into his eyes.

"That letter was meant for you."

* * *

_I know this is a short chapter. I would've updated sooner...but I was sick and was delayed at the airport as my flight into London was cancelled because of all the snow...crap._

_I hate writer's block. I guess I have temporarily run out of random things to write about. Hehe! Anyway, I'll update this again. Thanks for all the reviews! I really appreciate it! I do enjoy writing. Its a great outlet/stress reliever for me. :D_


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